I was chatting on the phone to one of my friends the other day. We were talking about how there are some people who are home bodies. I told her that I am not one of them even though she may think so.
I expressed to her the hard time I had when Calli was little so I stayed away from doing things with other people and their kids. I had a hard time keeping her contained, she was a runner. She took off if she was free. I had a hard time because I was afraid of what other people would think about her. Just by looking at her you would think she was as normal as they come.
I have been through the grieving process many times with Calli, and I will probably go through it many more in her lifetime. A few examples of what I am talking about is when Calli will be around other kids her same age and they are so much more advanced than her. She was not able to attend a 4 year old preschool class. She had to repeat 3 year old preschool because she wasn't ready to move on.
This is definitely one of my biggest challenges in life, being Calli's Mom. It is also the most rewarding thing I have ever done to watch her progress. Many of us take it for granted that our kids just automatically learn things that are age appropriate. I have had to change my thinking completely about children. When I see a child screaming or acting bad for their parents I don't think what a horrible parent they are since they can't control their child. I used to. It is really sad to me that sometimes I can see that Calli is irritating others, mostly s, and I tell them that she is border line autistic and their demeanor suddenly changes. They are not as judgmental if they know something is wrong.
I want to express my gratitude to everyone who has accepted Calli for who and what she is and taught your children that it is OK to be different and accept her. I truly believe that my other children and those who associate with Calli will be better people for it. It is hard, my kids know that the most, but we are truly blessed that she is a part of our lives. I want to share this story with everyone. It sums up the way I feel better than I could ever put it.
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to
"
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to
7 comments:
I love that story. I think it can be applied to most challenges in our life. I am sure your challenge has made you a better mom than most of us could ever be. Not that there won't be more challenges but I know you will be able to tackle them.
I knew as soon as I saw the title... here is a link to a Holland post I did a year ago http://missglimpse.blogspot.com/2006/10/tulips-and-turning-points.html That same story helped me to heal after losing the chance at motherhood- they way I heard it was sad and funny I will have to tell you sometime. You are doing great- give yourself some credit and a break. Moms are way too hard on themselves. I LOVE Calli, I love you and you two need each other. I'm so glad I have you both in my life:)
Callie is the joy of my Sundays. I know she isn't in my class but just seeing her in primary brings a smile to my face. She is so loving and adorable. I love the connection she has with my husband. I know he isn't the only one she flirts with but watching her flirt with him in primary is just adorable. Thank you for having such a wonderful daughter of God. She truly is a light in my life.
I agree w/ you Jody. Good post. Thanks everyone for all the support. I wish everyone could experience 'Holland' because it is truly amazing. Calli has taught me so much about me, Jody and how a family can come together.
When you see value in life no matter the conditions, unconditional love is invited into ones heart and life.
Jody I think you are a great mom and have done a great job with Calli. She can be a handful sometimes, but there is nothing that can replace that cute little smile she has or when she says "Rock On Dude!" That is my favorite! Keep up the good work and you will reep the rewards
Beautifully said! Calli is well loved at the Atkisson house!!
I really liked the analogy in that article. I do not have a child with a disability that I know of, but my nephews who do, inspire an extra amount of love in my heart. I guess as a mother of a child with challenges you might mourn for the potential that you imagined for your child. I wonder if letting that idea go at some point and just seeing where your child leads you helps some of the pain.
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